SPEAK-SAY

30 01 2010

Are you bored? Do you want to have some fun? Do you have no feminine charm whatsoever and the only female person you talk to is your mother?

If the answer to the third question is YES, then you should get out of your basement and start getting a social life. But if the answer to the first 2 questions are yes, then you’re eligible to play SPEAK-SAY!

SPEAK-SAY is a game where you watch two people speaking far away and act out their conversation, only not quite the same. For example, if you saw an elderly couple, you could pretend they were speaking about sex, when really they were discussing the economy. (Or even the other way around, if you prefer political situations over intercourse). The hilarity caused is great for the family!

You gain a point if
What you said fits with whatever they were saying.
You finish speaking as they speak.
You give them an accent

You lose a point if
They see you playing, and think you’re mentally retarded.
You don’t fit with what their saying.
The end the conversation before you end Speak-Say.

This game is brilliant, but don’t just ask us! Our satisfied customers have this to say:

Speak-Say has changed my life. I’m finally making friends and being cool. How fun.
Omar 3000

I tried Speak-Say for the first time. Three minutes into the game, and I was pregnant already! Thank you Speak-Say!
Mrs. Pesto

Back in the day of pennywagons, we didn’t have Speak-Say. We had fun by throwing football at the smallest boy in the group. First we would grab our own balls, and after we would feel greatly satisfied…
CCTV Kerman

So what are you waiting for? Buy the Speak-Say starter pack today!

Take two a day and keep away from children. If you have an allergy to milk, gluten-hydroxinatomonochlorosulphuricdioxide or ostrich eggs, then please refrain from playing Speak-Say. Warning, may contain cancer.





Borscht: Return To The Screen

11 11 2009

Imagine watching all of your favourite movies, with the main character being Borscht. Every time.

[img]http://i34.tinypic.com/ea1ez5.jpg[/img]

IRON BORSCHT:

Borscht finds some super suit that turns her into IRON BORSCHT, an ironified version of her. She abuses this power greatly and ends up killing everyone and marrying Raphy.





Special|Return|Borscht Shorts!

24 02 2009

Jozzam: Jezzam!

Jezzam: What is it, Jozzam?

Jozzam: Oh Jezzam, I can’t find my shoes

Awwww from audience

Jezzam: I feel sad

Awwww from audience

Borscht: My cat went missing, my wife left me and my husband has caught terminal cancer

Laughter from audience





Special|Return|

27 01 2009

Jezzam: Honey, I’m hooooooooome!

Laughter from audience

Jozzam: Oh, Jezzam, you and your antics

Laughter from audience

Borscht: Hallo?

Crickets. Then Crickets stop.





Sites|Uncle Jesse’s House Of Crap+CHUMUM IS BACK

19 01 2009

Thats right chillun, there’s now a new site to visit. The most RETARDED site in all the land, please visit: http://www.wwujd.com/unclejessesdiary.htm

The most retarded site in the land. Speaking of retarded, CHUMUM IS BACK! Please visit him at his new house:
www.chumum2.wordpress.com
He’s cooking up trouble, with his hit new soap, FAMILY MUM. Also, he will probably move back to his original. Anyway, I’m posting from the ICT rooms. That wasn’t necessary, but who gives a crap?
Uncle Jesse? (He doesn’t have to give a crap, he IS crap)

Anyway, I’m gonna chill from this blog for a bit, so the posts won’t come as regularly. Anyway, if you miss me, send me a comment. If you don’t miss me, also send me a comment.
Tis all,





Others|Letters to Important People|Letter 1-The King of Uruguay

18 01 2009

To:
The King Of Uruguay
Uruguay
(I dont know any places in Urgay, sorry)

From:
Bodhana
On a rock, reaching enlightenment

Hello. I am sorry if you cannot read this, I don’t speak Uruguayan. I do speak French, unlike Girls Aloud, but let’s leave that out for the moment. Recently, while thinking on my rock (my mother, my pet and my sofa all rolled into one granite-filled thing), I have had a number of thoughts. I don’t know who to speak to at a time like this, recently I have gone through a lot of trauma(both my bitches died, my dog and my girlfriend) and I thought: ‘Yruagay’. So here I am, writing a letter to you. I am the second most interesting person on the earth(the first is ‘Antipas Moson Chumum’), so you will be ‘glued to your screens’.
So, How does my voice sound? How does goose taste? and What does Micheal Jackson remind me of?
The answer to all of these questions is ‘Like A Duck On Drugs’, also the name of a popular album released by Moss-A-Lee-In-D(Moselynd).
Oh dear, look at the time! I must stop writing and swim in the ‘Angry Mum’ river.

Next chapter up soon
-_-” (oh dear…)





Song|Chumum Tribute|Mum Is Dead

18 01 2009

[Ryan and Francis]
Mum is dead
Mum is dead
Mind your head
Cause Mum is dead

[Borscht]
Here I Am, looking cool
Dont tell me to play the fool
Compared to me, You all drool
Mool?

[MRs PEsto]
Hey ho from the Bike Sheds
I’m sorry for all this noise
But could I have a -matey
She needs to meet the catholic boys

[Ryan and Francis]
Who killed Mum
Cause Mum Is Dead
I blame Alphainventions
Please mind your head

[Lisa]
Chatting up Steven Speilburg
His hairsyles quite groovy
Shut the f**k up
Coz this is a terrible movie

[Napoleons Mum]
Its like an infection
When I see you, i get an erection
Then i start Masturbation
Soon enough, its ejaculation

[Ryan and Francis]
Who killed Mum
Cause Mum Is Dead
I blame Alphainventions
Please mind your head

Mum is dead
Mum is dead
Mind your head
Cause Mum is dead
dead
dead
dead

Chumum is dead.

Well guys, Its the end of Chumum, so it looks like I’m going too. It’s been a good run, and I’m glad to end on this note:L

My final stats =)

My final stats =)





Journal|Chumum

17 01 2009

Mums, Chums and Dum Dums, there has been an announcement. I think that Chumum.wordpress.com is dead. Unfortunateloi, while visiting the house of Chums, I discovered no content on the site at all. Only ghosts wailing ‘Deeath to aaallllll’. Sorry this is so short, i will post a Chumum MEmorial Later. ITs 11:23 and i need rest. Gnight all.

P.s its terribly raining here. lovely British weather.





Interview|Mark

17 01 2009

Note: The following interview may not be suitable for people owning dogs. 

Wait… dogs?

Ok… Well you can read the revised edition after the original

 

THE ORIGINAL

Stuffwithryan.wordpress.com your no1 point for high quality crap says:

Hello mark

 

Mark says:

hi

 

Stuffwithryan.wordpress.com your no1 point for high quality crap says:

hows the life going?

 

Mark says: ok-ish

 

Stuffwithryan.wordpress.com your no1 point for high quality crap says:

have you seen any circumsized penguins recently?

 

Mark says:

ummm… no…

 

Stuffwithryan.wordpress.com your no1 point for high quality crap says:

so mark, our readers want to know all aboutyour new song, whats it called again?

 

Mark says:

song?

 

Mark says:

what song?

 

Stuffwithryan.wordpress.com your no1 point for high quality crap says:

oh didnt you hear?

 

Stuffwithryan.wordpress.com your no1 point for high quality crap says:

while you were sleeptalking, we recorded your voice and played it backwards

 

Mark says:

was there a secret message?

 

Stuffwithryan.wordpress.com your no1 point for high quality crap says:

HOW DARE YOU PLAY MY VOICE BACKWARDS, YOUR HOUSE WILL DIE. DIE. DIE.

 

Mark says:

well, thats self explanatory isn’t it?

 

Stuffwithryan.wordpress.com your no1 point for high quality crap says:

what about the people who live in cardboard boxes, like nico? Will their houses die?

 

Mark says:

how could you tell that nico lived in a cardboard box? i never knew…

 

Stuffwithryan.wordpress.com your no1 point for high quality crap says:

Elementary, dear Watson. You’re name’s watson, right?

 

REVISED EDITION:

(note: this interview has been censored, changed and removed for your viewing/reading pleasure)

Stuffwithryan.wordpress.com your no1 point for high quality crap says:

Hello mark


Mark says:

hi


Stuffwithryan.wordpress.com your no1 point for high quality crap says:

hows the life going? 


Mark says:

MY LIFE IS ABSOLITELY WONDERFUL.


Stuffwithryan.wordpress.com your no1 point for high quality crap says:

have you seen any circumsizeds(circus) penguins recently?


Mark says:

Stay in school


Stuffwithryan.wordpress.com your no1 point for high quality crap says:

so mark, our readers want to know all about your new song, whats it called again?


Mark says:

1, 2, 3 A, B, C Stop smoking and Learn with me


Stuffwithryan.wordpress.com your no1 point for high quality crap says:

oh didnt you hear?


Stuffwithryan.wordpress.com your no1 point for high quality crap says:

while you were sleeptalking, we recorded your voice and played it FRONTwards


Mark says: 

was there a SUPER DUPER ULTRA WOOPER secret message?


Stuffwithryan.wordpress.com your no1 point for high quality crap says:

NO THERE WAS NOT. WINK WINK. 


Mark says:

well, thats self explanatory isn’t it?


Stuffwithryan.wordpress.com your no1 point for high quality crap says:

what about the people who live in cardboard boxes, like nico?


Mark says:

evict them


Stuffwithryan.wordpress.com your no1 point for high quality crap says:

And the moral of the interview is:

never trust smoothies because one day the sun WILL go down

 

If you have no idea what is going on, don’t worry, its normal.





ALPHAINVENTIONS

16 01 2009

Beware, ALPHAINVENTIONS.COM is an evil site where vampires gather and drink pancreas juice








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